The Hidden Causes of Shame

Sometimes we unexpectedly bump into our shadow side

Our daily experiences regularly activate feelings of hatred, anger, jealousy, fear, judgement, etc. We are used to bumping into these parts of ourselves. To discover deeper aspects of ourselves, sitting in meditation may unexpectedly reveal our core wounds.

During meditation, these deeper aspects of ourselves, may be revealed. Our body, mind and spirit is filled with unresolved experiences that await our resolution. These parts within contain outdated emotions and mental states.

These hidden aspects of ourselves will benefit from our acknowledgement, transformation and release. When we notice or become aware of these parts within, it’s usually time to address them.

By self-healing deeper layers, we may find our more common feelings like anger and fear lessening. 

Once we notice our shadow, it’s ready for self-healing

Regardless of how we become aware of these deeper aspects of ourselves, what they tell us is important at that time. Once we bump into them, they are ready to be healed.

Recently, in the context of meditation, I bumped into an unexpected layer. This layer arose, in my awareness, as a thought, out of nowhere, from the ethers, from my higher self. I trust every thought that I receive in meditation.

I trust intuitive thoughts that come to me while in scared space, whether I’m treating a Reiki client or teaching a Reiki class. When I am in sacred space, I know I am held and guided by Divine beings of Light. I know the message is important and will lead somewhere. I have only to receive the message and follow the Divine trail that is opening up.

Where did that shame come from?

Surprisingly, shame was the emotion that was revealed to me during meditation. I immediately wondered how my relationship with shame began and developed. In my life, most of my unresolved emotions date back to my early childhood.

Being raised in a traditional family from the 1950s, meant having parents who tried to control their children with blame and punishment.

High expectations breeds guilt and shame

In the 1950s, if a child did not obey their parents or meet their expectations, they might be yelled at, spanked, made to stand in the corner, or other such punishments. In reality, once a child has been yelled at, or isolated, they end up feeling rejected, unloved and that there is something wrong with them.

Basically, the child feels rejected and separated from those that they desire to feel love from.

Parents do the best they can

I truly believe that all parents do the best job that they can. I also know that parents are under a lot of stress and that they are not always at their best. Unfortunately, children are more likely to suffer when the parent is not feeling well, is tired, or is just plain stressed out.

So where does the shame come in?

As children, we desire our parents’ love. This love helps us feel safe, nurtured and good about ourselves. When a child feels a parent’s anger, they don’t usually blame the parent. They blame themselves for whatever went wrong. As a result, they feel guilt and shame for making their parents angry.

Free will was not allowed

I’m not sure if it’s just because I was the third child in the family, but I definitely had a creative desire to do whatever inspired me. Perhaps my mother felt I was the child always making messes, getting into mischief, and doing the unexpected. And as a result, I was punished on a regular basis as a child. I felt guilt and shame about it.

So, what does it matter if I have a backlog of shame within me?

The reason I felt shame as a child was that I was judged; my actions were judged as being wrong. Basically, that means I was taught, first-hand, how to judge others. Over and over, I saw that it was appropriate to blame and judge others.

So then, is it surprising that my go-to response to anything in my environment is to blame and judge? When you are raised in a household of blame and judgment, it becomes an ingrained pattern of behavior.

Who are you judging?

Most of us might not even notice how much we blame and judge others. I didn’t really notice my own patterns until I was able to be present in the now again.

Getting back to living in the now only happens by releasing the past and it’s hold over us. To release my past, I used my Breathe in Light technique over a period of several months. I breathed in Light and breathed out my outdated emotions and mental states. After transforming and releasing much of my outdated emotions, I was finally able to observe my patterns.

None of us is perfect

While I’m exhibiting my imperfections, it’s best to accept myself as I am, instead of beating myself up for it. So, even when I am judging others, I am practicing acceptance of myself in that moment.

Personally, I’d rather my go-to response to anything in life be acceptance and appreciation.

I prefer to practice ‘acceptance of what is’ rather than ‘judgement of what is.’

Realistically though, it’s a process, and along the way, I get to notice what imperfections I would like to transform and heal in my life.

How does judgment affect me?

Judging others lowers my vibration and dims my inner Light. So, if my backlog of shame is keeping me in ‘judgment mode,’ then I am wasting a lot of time in the land of judgment.

Instead, I’d like to focus on being ready to transform, heal and release shame and judgment now.

Accepting and appreciating others raises my vibration and brightens my inner Light. When I am filled with Light and love, I remain healthy, balanced and joyful.

My AHA moment

When my children played high school soccer, I often judged the high school soccer coach as wrong and blamed him for any failings on the field. Simultaneously, I also noticed that I was always getting horrible sore throats after yelling angrily at soccer games.

Once I realized the connection, I ardently worked on releasing all the negative emotions I was sending the coach. I began actively practicing acceptance and appreciation at the soccer games. Not surprisingly, I also stopped getting horrible sore throats and colds after each game.

Are you ready to transform?

Are you tired of judging and feeling judged by others? As we transform our tendencies to judge others, it simultaneously changes how we attract judgment to ourselves. By transforming and releasing shame, guilt and judgment, we redirect our life force towards the positive. By transforming the darker aspects of your shadow you bring Light into your life.

Next week, part 2 of this blog will be a self-healing guided visualization for transforming and releasing your backlog of negative emotions and mental states.