I live on a daily diet of questioning my self worth. There is a constant, “you’re not doing this right.” A persistent pulse of, “what were you thinking?” And the repetitive background noise of, “you are not good enough.” How is this still a thing?
Most of the time, I am too busy to listen to the grinding of my internal gears. Rushing through my life creates enough static so that the quiet currents of my truth have little chance of garnering my attention. But then there are the quiet days, where I have time to pause and reflect and to listen and I hear the roar of my internal naysayer.
“How old are you?” I beseech my naysayer. “As old as time,” comes the response. “So, this is not just my own personal negativity?”
“It is yours and it is everyone’s, all at the same time. Separation is impossible; our entwinement is permanent and sometimes fatal. We share our thoughts, our pain and suffering, our resentments, our blame and our joy and light. We are sieves and filters and we are straining through the onslaught of thoughts and feelings, striving to restore balance as each wave affects our flow. Each life event or experience tosses a new wave against our raft, unsettling us, changing our direction and sometimes throwing us into the deep water.”
“How are we to survive this?” “The way through is through the light. Create and re-create your connection to the divine, to pure love and pure light. Accept each moment as it arrives, practice accepting every aspect of what is. Notice what makes you uncomfortable, sit with that, embrace it, and then transform it into light and let it go. In this way, you are lightening your load instead of adding to it. Each time we resist what is, perhaps resenting it or feeling angry, we are creating a new layer of suffering added to the moment. Instead, when we feel the anger and the resentment, take a moment to feel it, to wallow in it and then allow the transformation of it to occur by inhaling light into that which you feel and breathing out the vaporized feelings. In this way, you are restoring yourself; you are remembering your light and the light of the divine and choosing to be in that light. Given the choice, hopefully, we will remember to choose.”